What is enough I asked my husband as I lay sprawled on the bed exhausted from the day. I had been muling over that question for what seemed like forever…to no avail. The gap between who I am and who I think I should be is big. The gap between what I am able to do and what I think I should do feels too wide.
Irreconcilable really.
I know Jesus is enough. I know that, but how do I bridge that knowledge into the reality of my everyday life? What does that look like when I feel like there is always more to do? There are endless needs around me, there are endless character things I need to work on. It all swirls around me taunting never enough, not good enough.
So I try harder, I do more. But you know what? That still leads to not enough. I am realizing no matter how hard I try, in the grand scope of life, it will never be enough…there will always be more.
Awhile back I realized, maybe all the proof around me that says I am not enough is actually pointing me to the fact that I am not supposed to be enough. Maybe the feeling that I am not enough is a sign that I am taking on more than I am called to bear.
But this didn’t make me feel any better on that exhausting evening laying on my bed at 7:00pm ready to call it a day. Too many other thoughts were at war in my mind. We are called to do things! I can’t be ok with nothing…I have to do something I know, but what amount of somethings? Is there certain somethings that are better than others? More noble? Am I missing the boat on the important work for Christ?
I don’t want to be complacent, but I don’t want to be obsessive either. I am sick of that suffocating tension.
The next morning I was reading in John 17 and a new understanding hit me when I read verse 1- 4: “…Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, that Your Son may glorify You, as You have given Him authority over all flesh, that He should give eternal life to as many as You have given Him. And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. I have glorified You on the earth. I have finished the work which You have given Me to do.” (emphasis mine.)
Did you catch that? In a weird paradox, Jesus was enough (authority over all flesh) yet not enough (as many as You have given (not all)) at the same time. Verse four says Jesus finished the work God gave Him. He didn’t finish all the work or do all the things or even exercise all His authority (in a physical sense–the cross finishes all in the spiritual sense). No, He simply did what God asked Him to do. If Jesus in all His authority only did what God asked Him to do, how much more can I rest in the fact that I only need to do what God is asking me to do? I don’t even have all authority as an option!
So what is enough? Doing what God asks each one of us personally to do.
In John 14:12 it says this: “…I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father.”
While on earth Jesus did not reach everyone–He did have physical limits since he was fully human as well as fully God– He did what God gave Him to do. While dying on the cross Jesus’s blood covered all the sin and brokenness. Then in resurrecting and going to heaven the Holy Spirit came to dwell in those who believe.
Individually we cannot do all the things, meet all the physical demands or tell all the people about Jesus. But because Jesus is enough He has set up the church with the indwelling of the Spirit to be His hands and feet, collectively we can do all the things.
Spiritually we cannot repair the brokenness, we cannot be perfect. But again, Jesus is enough, He bridged that cap on the cross.
As a whole body of believers we do the things God asks us to do. It is about us as individuals analyzing our hearts and listening for God. Asking one of these questions:
- Lord am I taking on more than you are asking me thus rendering myself anxious, tired, and overwhelmed…hindering the very work You have called me to?
- Lord, have I slumped in an apathy that says I am good, Jesus is enough, someone else can take over, I don’t have to do anything..downplaying and disregarding the work You have called me to?
- Lord, deep down I know what you are calling me to , but it doesn’t feel like it is enough making me timid in walking it out. Will you give me courage to do it anyway?
It isn’t about you and I being enough, it isn’t about us not doing anything, it is about doing the thing God has given me to do, not more, not less. It is about a relationship with Him that is quiet enough to hear that personal call. It is about asking Him for courage to walk it out and a faith that says I know You will show me on a daily basis the things You have for me. It is about believing in the collective body of believers instead of focusing on how I can be everything to everyone.
No, The answer is not in pinning down how much is enough. The answer is doing with all my heart the work God gives me to do, loving the people He gives me to love.
