What lens we look through matters.

About a year or two ago I would have said fiction wasn’t worth reading. I read a lot of fiction in high school, watched a lot of movies. Whether Christian or not, I walked away from this content  with certain images in my mind of what a romantic man should be. 

I was sorely disappointed when I got married. My poor husband was not the perfect romantic Prince Charming I had envisioned. I got a real life human being for a mate (shocking), not a made up perfect fiction fella. 

I wrestled inwardly with discontentment for years. I loved my husband but I wished he was more…perfect? Dreamy?  Romantic? Something…

The reality was my expectations were way too high. Largely gleaned through reading fiction through the wrong lens… or just wrong fiction for me in general. It had to go.

I stopped reading fiction all together. I stopped watching movies with romance (mostly) all together. 

I brushed off my shirt, almost proud-like. Fake was gone, real was in. 

I was still a romantic at heart though. I’d get all gooey eyed when coming across the Bible verse about Jacob working seven years for Rachel and it seemed but a few days because of his love for her.. oh pitter patter my heart. I still cry at weddings. Every. Single. One. I ooed and aaaahed over the brides I sewed wedding dresses for. I was (and still am) a romantic at heart. But that heart needed healing. It needed to see through the correct lens. 

Around 2018 I began writing but vowed to only write “holy” things..like Bible studies and nonfiction. I thought, and at times said, things like Christian’s shouldn’t read Christian romance. It gives unreal expectations. 

This (mostly) ban from fiction content lasted for close to 9 years. 

And then…God nudged me to write historical…(gasp) fiction. I wrestled with this for five months before finally giving in and answering His call. I hesitantly picked up a historical fiction book. I immediately was sucked in. It blew my mind how much I learned, how it gave me understanding and compassion. I picked up more and more books and saw real people, real struggles, not the made up fake-ness I saw before. 

I saw through a different lens. 

Before I was searching for perfection from humans. Now I search for beauty in this broken life through the lens of Christ’s perfect love. I see how my husband loves me in romantic ways that would never reach a gushy movie. Ways like sending me a text that says: I just heard the song Just Another Day in Paradise and I thought of you. (If you haven’t heard this song by Phil Vassar and you have a house of young kids, pause reading this and watch it now…you’ll get it.) I began to see how my husband says things like “we are in this together”. How he loves me even at my worst. How he extends grace to me and believes in me when I don’t deserve it. I see the abundant beauty in our imperfect relationship and I feel like the luckiest girl on earth. 

Maybe it was because I lowered my unreal expectations, maybe it was because God healed a restless heart during a season I obediently walked away from something that wasn’t good for my unhealthy mind. A season that I was seeing through a lens of discontentment not gratitude. 

Whatever it was, I’ve come to realize fiction is not the problem. Often it’s rooted in real things, real feelings, real struggles. You can take a walk in a person’s shoes, gain compassion and understanding like you maybe  wouldn’t fully in non-fiction. 

I share this to lead into the topic of the Redeeming Love book and the new movie based off the book. I’m noticing the movie is kinda controversial.

All the controversy got me pondering the book again. I read it first in high school and again just last year. I loved it both times but as I sit here trying to figure out how I feel about the book (after just listening to a cautionary podcast about both the movie and book) I realized I saw the book through two different lenses. The one in high school was a: Darcy who wants perfect romance so I saw Michael Hosea as a sweeping guy loving a lady. This last time I read it through the lens of Jesus’ love I saw it as a picture of a sweeping God loving me…just as the author intended. 

Same message, different lenses. 

It wasn’t healthy for me in high school, but as I read it this last time I saw Christ’s love through the main character and I saw a redemption of broken sexuality to the beauty of God’s way. It was a healthy read for me the second time. It was all because now I try to view everything (as best as humanly possibly)  from the lens of Jesus Christ, not the lens of what Darcy thinks she wants. 

I don’t say things about not reading or watching fiction anymore, I actually believe fiction can be so incredibly moving. 

The podcast I just listened to had similar undertones of what I used to believe—fiction isn’t as holy as other things. But what it also pointed out was certain fiction can be a stumbling block for people… like Redeeming Love and we need to be cautious. 

Especially if you read it through the wrong lens. 

And this is where the two blend together. I’m learning we must all listen to the Holy Spirit inside us, He’s teaching us discernment. 

Personal discernment. 

He knows what lens we are looking through. Just because lots of other people think something is okay, doesn’t mean it’s okay for me. The Spirit may call you, like me, to forgo something for a time to heal, to get a healthy lens to view life through. But that doesn’t mean it necessarily is forever…for all people. 

The Spirit is personal. Listen to Him. 

I’m afraid we can be too easily swayed by peoples opinions over the Holy Spirit in our life. 

The Bible is the only thing that can give us the pure whole truth. Not man’s opinion of it. 

God is the one who made us, the only one who truly knows us…and our hearts. 

Jesus is the only picture of a perfect flesh and blood being. No other human will ever be perfect in our life. Don’t put others on a pedestal. Only Jesus. 

The Spirit is the cumulation of the Word, God, and Jesus living INSIDE us! He knows our hearts. He teaches and guides. 

I can guarantee I will not write a fiction book everyone likes. I can guarantee there are no authors or screen writers out there that can write something that covers the whole spectrum of things while also protecting everyone’s feelings and sinful tendencies. It’s not possible for one book to cover all the nuances of everything. No human work of art can cover everything, someone will always find problems with it somewhere.

You see, it’s not the author’s job to write a perfect book that touches everyone and offends no one. Instead it’s our own personal job to seek the Spirit’s personal leading. He will lead, no matter how broken or confused we may be. 

We must each be seeking God with our entire heart, then listening for the Spirits personal leading…then obeying. If that means not watching or reading a book that everyone else is because the spirit whispers it’s not for you, that’s okay. More than okay actually. If that means putting a hold on something for a while, do it! And if that means stepping back into it again, do it in faith. 

In the end, our actions, inwardly and outwardly all boil down to me and God standing face to face someday in Heaven. Our lives, our stories, are like layers of an onion. They aren’t neat, tidy, or straight forward no matter how much we try to make them that. I will also have no one to pull in with me and blame for my choices as I stand before God. 

Yes, things can be bad for us. People hurt us. But the one thing God gives each of us who believe in Him is the Spirit to guide us. The Spirit paves our way, helps us wade through the mess and confusion. It’s not a person’s job to be that for us. We can’t fully blame something or someone. Rather we need personal discernment. Often that does look like seeking others opinions…people that know us. Often it does look like healing through other people. But it begins and ends with following the Spirit. Seeking him. Listening to His voice over all the other voices out there. 

I have to ask myself often, am I listening? Listen to the Spirit. Listen and obey. Obey and heal. Heal and see life through the lens of Jesus. Keep that lens clean through confessing any sin, and seeking God, desiring God above all else. 

Seeing through this lens is the only safe lens to see life through.  Through it we can sift through all the confusion. We won’t ever see clearly until Heaven, but we can see much better. We can rest in life through this lens. The lens of Jesus Christ.