Back in the spring we ordered new couches. One finally arrived last week…missing two cushions. Today the replacement was delivered and the guys were blown away that they were replacing a couch that came with only one cushion. Very weird indeed. One of the guys asked did you buy it clearance?
Nope said the other. She doesn’t look like one to shop clearance.
I about laughed outloud. Me?! Not only was it so far from the truth it was wildly ironic too. The couches these two guys were dropping off were the ONLY furniture things I could think of in my house that wasn’t either from clearance, used, or our custom made bed set that we stained ourselves… to save money. And the ironic thing? The first place I checked when couch shopping….drumroll the clearance section.
This funny little story got me thinking about the ways we perceive people or even the things they say. Misperception unfortunately can be an easy thing to do.
It can cause so much hurt. The couch perception made me laugh, but there are so many times wrong perceptions hurt deeply. I want to share a few perception pitfalls I’ve learned from lately. These are all perceptions I’ve made.
The perception of a reaction. I notice a lot about people. This can be a good thing because I can sense discomfort and try to help. This can also be a bad thing because I can read into things that are not there, convincing myself of something that isn’t true. Just because someone’s personality is more blunt or not as observant and as mine does not mean their comment was meant to cut or tear down. Just because I perceive that someone is angry at me or thinks I’m stupid does not mean that is the case.
Their reaction is not my Holy Spirit. If I do something that is not ok, one of two things will happen: the Holy Spirit will convict me of my misstep and ask me to apologize, or I did nothing wrong and I can let it go. Sounds easy, but what I get hung up on is the fear that another individual perceives I did something wrong. I can stew over this big what if and try to figure out how to fix it. I’m perceiving something that may not even be true, and if it is it’s not in my realm of responsibility.
If someone did perceive me wrong, it is their responsibility to either move on OR approach me with their hurt. If they can’t get over it, it is not mean to say: “hey I perceived what you did this way, how did you mean it?” That’s clarifying, that’s building bridges in love not breaking them down by resentment and false perception. We are broken humans bumping into other broken humans we need clarification or realization when to release.
I have to hang onto this truth because if I don’t I spend so much of my effort trying to fix things that may not even be broken or take on responsibilities that may not be mine to take on.
The second thing I can perceive wrong is a blindness in someone’s spiritual walk. I see something and think: what are they thinking! Fix it! I have prejudices in areas I have been hurt. When I don’t have the whole story on situations, I have no business sticking my nose in it…even if it’s just in thought. The Bible tells us to think on things that are true…lovely…when I don’t know the whole story of what is true I need to get ride of condemning thoughts and seek God.
We tend to see things as all good or all bad. The truth is often it’s a mix of both. Instead of seeing something as all bad I can look at it as something broken that’s redeemable. That is the truth. We are all broken walking through our own redemption story. If God wants me to be used as a tool in someone’s redemption process He will guide me. Until then I can remove my nose and mind from the situation and perceive the hope instead.
The last misperception I want to bring up is a misconception on what Christ would do. In certain situations I’ve been tripped up by enabling bad behavior in the name of love and a desire for Christ like behavior. Jesus wasn’t “nice” all the time in the name of showing himself to people. He cared more about what was right than making people feel good. My kids are a great examples of this. I can feed unhealthy habits or thoughts in them by trying to be loving and making the mistake of too much freedom. I can fail to set boundaries around our time because I want them to have fun and be happy but then I get overwhelmed and respond to them in anger. This is not Christlike! I misperceive Christlike behavior and love when I focus on one positive element but miss the negatives.
As I think of misperceptions I think it all boils down to having an open teachable heart. Praying daily for God to search our heart and lead us in the way everlasting. By asking God to give us eyes to see what He wants us to see we can stop focusing on the wrong things and start taking steps to overcome misperceptions
