Time. I want more of it and less of it all at the same time.
“Give it time” my husband says to me as we discuss a particular issue. Just the mention of giving it time sends pangs of anxiety in my chest. I don’t want to give it time, I want a conclusion, a decision. Now! I can come up with all the reasons I shouldn’t give it time. No, giving it time feels careless, out of control. I need less time than it needs.
It’s a Monday morning. My kids know Mondays as the work day. Laundry, cleaning, groceries, all the fun things. I rush around on Monday’s trying to get it all done while feeling like I’m dropping the ball on everything. On days like these I grumble and complain about not having enough time. That’s not even including the long list of dreams I have. I have way more things I want to do in my life that I will even be able to come close to touching. The enormity of all the things in proportion to the amount of time I have– again– sends a wave of anxiety. I NEED more time.
But that’s the irony of time. I find myself smack dab in the middle of this pull and push problem with it. This love hate relationship. But the cold hard facts are my pulling and pushing on time doesn’t budge it one bit; it just wears me out. The truth is, there is beauty in too much time and not enough time. I just don’t like to admit it because with the beauty comes discomfort.
Discomfit comes when we let go of control and step into faith to give things time. It’s uncomfortable to sit in these push and pull feelings, but time has a way of healing them. It’s uncomfortable to sit in unmade decisions, unresolved issues, but time has a way of working them out when mixed with both our intentionality and our faith.
There is discomfort in acknowledging the fact that I am a limited human. It’s not times fault that I’m limited and can’t do it all– it’s my fault for believing somehow I can. It takes faith to let go of all I want to do…or think I need to do. It takes prayer and wisdom to prioritize. None of those things are natural in our go, go, go culture; but they are biblical.
Time, it’s not my enemy. It’s actually the opposite. It’s my reminder that I have faith in a God not bound by time or limits (like I am). When I try to rise above time I am just like Eve in the Garden of Eden when she wanted to be God. But when I step back and let time teach me I’m not God and He IS, I can settle into the rhythms of time with faith that I don’t have to try and push or pull anymore. No my enemy isn’t time, it’s the lie that I need to control time.
In the end time has a purpose. God’s purpose. Everything is for Gods purpose. The key to letting go of my desire to control time is to believe Gods purpose for me is good and complete:
Who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began.
2 Timothy 1:9
It is not in my control to make decisions instantly that the healing winds of time need to blow on. It is not in my control to pack more into my day than time allows. In God’s purpose I will find all the time I need to get done what needs done, as well as the faith I need to let time work things out.
