Have you ever heard of the highly sensitive trait? It is a trait I learned about a few years ago as I was learning more about introversion. I was already struggling to accept that I was 99% introverted let alone add another “annoying” personality quirk to the list. About a year ago I accepted the fact that not only was I highly sensitive I have two daughters that are most likely highly sensitive.
While I accepted this trait I still wrestled/wrestle with it. Most of my life I have deemed much of my personality as flawed. Something to get over. But I am realizing that our personalities are not merely something to get over. Our bodies have physical needs like food, but we also have inner needs that can easily be ignored. We don’t ignore our need for food but I have tried to ignore my inner needs as a highly sensitive introvert. The thing is, as much as I try to ignore those needs in the name of productivity, it doesn’t work. I get drained like a phone battery and the only way to recharge is to plug myself back in with a good dose of alone time.
I am going to focus in on the inner needs of an HSP introvert for two reasons. 1) Many of you may have these traits and have wondered what is wrong with me. 2) Those who do not have these traits may better understand those who do.
Let’s start by understanding introversion better. Introversion is not a dislike for people or a weird socially awkward person. Introversion is formed in how our brains are wired. In simple terms in introverted people, there are longer pathways information travels along to be processed. Introversion and extroversion are hardwired into our brains. Read more indepth about the differences here. Introverts love people, they just need alone time to recharge. Where stimulation and social interactions energize extroverts it drains introverts. We need alone time to process and recharge. Introverts are deep thinkers so often we need time to process before we respond. If you want to find out if you are introverted a favorite personality test of mine is on the site 16 personalities.
With that incredibly brief overview of introversion let’s move to a brief overview of the highly sensitive person. About 15-20% of the population has this trait. It can be in both introverts or extroverts, however it is more common in introverts. The highly sensitive trait is characterized by sensitivity to sights, sounds, smells, touch, emotions etc. It is characterized by depth of processing, overstimulation, intense emotions + empathy, and sensing subtle things. As I was taking the highly sensitive test I was reminded of instances in my childhood. I was easily overwhelmed by smells, perfumes tended to make me sick or give me a headache. Sounds were grating and I covered my ears a ton out in loud public places like fairs etc. Simple things like this can be indicators of the trait. If you want to see if you may be highly sensitive head here to take a test.
The more I learned about these personality traits the more I began to accept them. In Psalm 139 God tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. He formed us in our mothers wombs. He formed us to need physical things like food, He also formed us to need internal things like alone time if we are hsp or introvert or both. Taking alone time needed is no more selfish than eating food is selfish. It is simply how God created us. I have spent so much of my life running ragged because I have been bound determined to change this “flawed” way I am made.
Since discovering how these things are very real I have begun to accept them, but it is hard to live it out when others around you don’t have these same internal needs. Everyone needs to eat, not everyone processes the world as intensely as a hsp introvert. Here are a few things I have learned as I wrestle through this dance with my internal needs:
- Find what recharges you. For along time after I accepted this internal need for alone time, I would fill it with productive things, or things I thought I should do or get done. I left being no more recharged than when I began. I was still overstimulated and easily angry as the smallest things. I am learning to do the things I love to in order to recharge: write, read, go on a walk, soak in stillness. The essential alone time we need needs to be filled with something that actually fills us up, not the things that need to be done.
- Schedule alone time. Recently our calendar has been jammed packed. I am aware of my need but it doesn’t seem like I can find time. Highly sensitive introverts when overwhelmed can go into a type of fight or flight way of life. It’s like my body is going into survival mode because it isn’t getting the gas it needs to keep going. Survival mode is the bare necessities, but functioning well– not at all. Looking at my calendar I see all good things. All things I want to say yes to. How can I possibly say no to them? I have gotten much better at saying no to things that arn’t mine to say yes to, but when it is all things that are a yes for our family but I am still overwhelmed then what? Through this season God laid on my heart: schedule alone time regularly. If things come up that interfere with that say no. That is how you decide. Your alone time is the needed gas to keep going, you can’t neglect it. I still have to play around with how much is needed and what that looks like, but when life gets busy alone time cannot be neglected.
- Always remember, you aren’t alone and you are not flawed. God did not mess up when He made any of us. With the trait hsp and introversion comes so many opportunities for strength. In a society that prefers extroversion it can be easy to focus on the negatives of introversion instead of the strengths. With the need to be alone to de-stimulate it can feel selfish or neglectful to the many ways we can be helping others. It can feel like a weakness, but God delights in making what looks weak strong. When we hand over to God weaknesses, He makes something beautiful. How incredibly weak did it look for Jesus to die on that cross? Yet it paved the way for the most powerful action ever–the conquering of sin. When I hand over to God what I perceive as weakness He makes me strong.
- Even in our similarities we are different. What works for me as a highly sensitive introvert may not work for the next. As you learn about what you need to recharge, don’t compare yourself to others–even if they have the same trait. We bow before God and ask Him to lead us in the path He has for us. I so often scour resources to see what they did so I can do that too. I am learning while it is great to get encouragement from others there is no on else out there exactly like me. Very similar, YES… exactly, no. That is why we must turn to our Creator and ask, Lord show me the way. When He does, be brave enough to follow even if it doesn’t logically make sense. He made us, He knows the best way for us to live :).
I would love to hear from you. Do you have these traits? Do you know someone who does? How have you honored God by honoring your internal needs?
