A couple years ago I discovered there is this trait called highly sensitive. As I read more about it part of me felt relieved while another part felt frustrated. Relieved because now I understood myself better and realized it is something God hard-wired into me. Frustrated because why did God have to me like that.
Throughout my childhood and into adulthood I have always felt there was something a bit wrong with me.
Flawed.
In a world that embraces the bold, outgoing, and strong, highly sensitive can feel like a weakness. I see how I have tried to ignore the trait I didn’t know I had. Before I even knew it was a thing, I was trying to “get over” it. The problem is, you can’t just get over how God made you. In all the misguided efforts, all that happens is you get overwhelmed, exhausted, and think a lot of negative thoughts in the process.
It’s a process that can lead to desensitizing who you are, how you sense the world, and your feelings. While it can temporarily release some of the feels of being flawed, maybe even win some brownie points with culture, it shrivels up your soul inside.
I’ve found, even if I do a great job at shoving it aside, it is still there. If neglected and ignored, it can turn into a disability instead of being the gift it is. In trying to do all the things I am not created to do while ignoring the internal limitations God has given me, my mind gets cloudy and beauty does not penetrate the brick walls I build around myself.
Over the past couple years since learning about this trait, God has lead me down the path of breaking down the brick walls I built to protect my sensitive heart. He has shown me that this trait is a gift to be accepted and then shared. I am still learning. I am still overcoming the feeling that is is flawed. I still am surprised when I see traits of highly sensitive people listed out and I meet nearly all of them. Like somehow I will magically stop being highly sensitive. But I am learning and you can too.
Awhile back I read the book Sensitive and Strong by Denise J. Hughs and Cheri Gregory. Since then I have been aware of my trait and how to live with it in a healthy way. Recently Joanne Bischof came out with a workbook called the The Highly Sensitive Heart I am currently diving into. I want to share a few traits of the Highly Sensitive Person out of her book. If you can relate to them, you may be highly sensitive. If you have spent your life discounting and ignoring these things in the name of being a more acceptable person to society, I would strongly encourage you to learn more about the trait. If you have been annoyed with someone you love because they seem overly sensitive, I recommend you learn more about this trait.
Highly sensitive is not a flaw, it is a gift. It can be so beautiful. For me, it has been easy to see my trait as all bad and extroverted, bold people as all good. The truth is each trait holds negatives and positives. The goal is to stop seeing it as all good or all bad and finding a healthy middle ground.
One last thing before I share some of the traits, extroverts can be highly sensitive too. It isn’t only an introvert thing. About 15-20% of the population holds the highly sensitive trait. We see the world more vividly. We experience sensations more intensely. That is unless we try to shut it down in the name of bad and become desensitized. That only leads to restlessness and exhaustion inside. It is incredibly exhausting fighting against the person God knit you together to be.
So if you have a feeling you may be highly sensitive, explore it friend. If you are close to someone who may be, learning more about it as well. You can encourage them to tap into the beauty of the gift if they haven’t found it for themselves.
Here are a few of the traits listed in Joanne’s workbook:
- Being very observant
- Caring deeply or even worrying about the comfort of others
- Crowds may deplete you
- Quiet and reflection fuels your peace
- Chaos triggers unease
- The tendency to put others’ comfort above your own
- Others gravitate to your compassionate nature–at times, at your expense
- A sense of intuition and observation about people or experiences
- The feeling of being overwhelmed when a to-do list gets overly long
- May feel alone or unheard in energetic group settings
- May feel overly guilty for small things
- A very good listener
- Even small mistakes are hard to forget
- More drawn to heart-to hearts than small talk
This is a small sample of the ones listed in Joanne’s workbook. If you relate to these, and you don’t know much about this trait, dig into some of these resources:
Sensitive and Strong by Denise J. Hughs and Cheri Gregory
The Highly Sensitive Heart by Joanne Bischof
Elaine Aron is the person who coined the term Highly Sensitive Person. I haven’t read her books in their entirety but they explore the trait in depth:
You can find her online quiz to find out if you or your child may be highly sensitive here:
It is so important to see the people God created us to be as beautiful, not flawed. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me. I am walking down this path still learning, but together maybe we can let more light in on the topic!
