“Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”
Psalm 103:1-5
Do you ever guard your heart against things you deeply desire because you feel they are selfish or too good to be true?
A few weeks back my husband said “lets dream together”. A few months ago I would have jumped all over that; I am a dreamer and I have big dreams. But not that day. That day I wearily looked at him and asked: what’s the point? I am so tired of dreaming.
Why was this dreamer, tired of dreaming?
Was it because I had dreamed so many things, only to experience heartache when they didn’t play out the way I had imagined?
Or was it because I had stepped into God’s callings and things didn’t play out the way I expected? I thought if God called me to it, it would turn out the way I desired, right?
Or was it because I felt half nuts since the callings God laid on my heart seem to continually change? Had I grown tired of following all these different paths, wondering if I was simply crazy? Maybe it is because I want something to stick, to stay steady. I don’t want to keep chasing, I want secure, comfortable.
Or could it possibly be because I am tired of trying to decide if my dreams are selfish or God given? How do I know the difference?
Was it that I shouldn’t dream when there are starving people out there. Oppressed people, hurting people, trafficked people? Why should I be allowed to dream when there is so many hurting– so many dreaming of the day when they simply don’t hurt anymore? It rips my heart out and brings me to tears. Should I feel guilty for dreaming?
All the questions left me tired. I wanted rest. On one hand I hoped that my dreams would lead to rest, but on the other hand I wanted to stop dreaming because it felt tiring to even go there.
I was done. I wanted to throw in the towel on dreams all together. While giving up dreams felt like the easy route, I couldn’t deny the throbbing ache in my heart; the truth is you can take a dream out of the heart, but you can’t take the dreamer out of the girl. I stared at my husband, hopeful he would somehow magically answer this question: How do we dream in a healthy way? A way that honors God, and excites our soul? How can we find rest amidst the reality that not all dreams play out the way we expect? I knew deep down I couldn’t stop dreaming, I just didn’t know how anymore.
Have you been there? Where deep in your spirit you want to dream? You want to run after the desires in your heart but you just don’t know how? You know what your purpose is and you even know your calling, but you are simply scared to live it out for different reasons.
- You are afraid of failure
- You have been let down in the past
- Your heart is just plain guarded because it aches
- You don’t know how to separate selfishness from the desires God lays on your heart
- You don’t know how to set goals but still surrender to God
- You are afraid of other peoples opinions
- You are afraid of your own expectations
- They don’t make logical sense
- They seem hard and not in your abilities
- They don’t seem to matter
- They aren’t very big dreams, insignificant really…
You fill in the blank. Truthfully it all feels tiring, hard, and scary. Whatever you are feeling you are not alone–I am there with you. No matter what reasons we have grown weary of dreaming we both have this root cause in common: satan tells us lies about our dreams.
While we did not arrive at an answer the day I crushed my husbands dreaming talk, I never stopped thinking about it. I love how God gently guides our hearts into answers through a million little puzzle pieces. If we are aware, and open to see God’s directing, He will answer our heart cries. God answered my questions on this topic slowly through different mediums. It was beautiful.
A few months ago I couldn’t wait until the day I sent my children to school; I would finally have free time to do the things I wanted to do. Then something happened. God deeply convicted me that this coming year I would homeschool Kina. (I was never ever, ever, like NEVER going to homeschool. Never. Not me, not ever.)
But you know what happened? God changed my desires. He changed my heart– not only to say yes God, I will homeschool– but to actually WANT to. I don’t know how long He wants me to homeschool, but I do know confidently that it is for this coming year.
It is easy (in a sense) to follow those desires right? The desires God puts on our heart that don’t fill any voids. The dreams that you never ever dreamed yourself. The things that seem so hard and impossible that you know that if God isn’t in it you will fail. They don’t seem selfish because instead of desiring them ourselves, God literally changes our heart and makes us desire them. It is easy to discern those dreams because we know God worked a miracle.
But what about the other dreams? The dreams we know we would pursue, not only because God calls us to them, but because we LOVE doing them. There is a longing in our heart that this dream beckons to fill–a void permeated. Like writing. I love writing and creating products. But I will confess to you, that even though I know God has called me to it, I battle selfish motives. I want to be known, to matter, to prove that I am valuable. I know God is using my talents and gifts though it, but deep down I battle and wrestle with these distorted realities. It requires work to reign myself in to avoid stepping into unhealthy grounds in this pursuit.
So how do we dream? Do we move forward hoping God lays dreams on our hearts and totally changes us so we know it’s Him? Do we stay away from dreaming about things we know could be selfish?
A couple weeks ago God opened my eyes to a principle that impels me to navigate the heart of my dreams. It was one of those restless days. As I ran my dish rag over the dirty stack of dishes in my sink, my hand glided through the warm soothing water. My heart was anything but soothed. My eyes were weary from holding back tears, my chest felt the weight of overwhelm pressing down, and my emotions were flighty (as my kids tiptoed around me). As I washed, I pondered Psalm 55:6-oh if I could just fly away like a dove, then I would be at rest (paraphrased). Sweet rest. How deeply I wanted that. At that moment rest felt like anything but being a mom. I wanted to soar far away from all my worries and fears to a dream that included happiness–not stress. To a place of rest. As I was standing at the kitchen sink, tears broke free from my controlled facade. It was in that moment God impressed this on my heart:
“Yes you can run if you want. You can run wherever you want. But don’t think you will be filled when you get there–you wont. It will never fill you like you think it will. And on top of that, it will be hard there as well. Be where I place you; this is where you find strength and the ability to keep going. This is where you find rest. Right in the middle of the mess– in the hard times– I am with You. Be here because I am here.”
The truth that no matter where we run, we will still face heartache and challenges, totally frees us to realize that wherever God places us is good. Where He is– is rest. We don’t have to run from hard callings and dreams because God is there. We don’t have to ignore the dreams that seem promising and fulfilling, because God is there as well. We can simply stand up right where we are and say, God I am here. I will be where you place me; please help me through it. Guide my eyes to stay fixed on You– whether I am pursuing a dream that feels overwhelming or exhilarating.
The overwhelming dream will be hard because it is something that we never thought we would want. Satan will come and tell us we can’t do it because we never wanted it. It wasn’t created for us. We will have to constantly rely on God to accomplish this thing we never imagined we would do. The exhilarating dream will be hard because we will naturally tend to try and find fulfillment in it. We will have to constantly rely on God to rein us in and remind us that it will never fill us the way we think it will. Only God satisfies.
You see, we don’t have to worry if our desires are selfish if we are surrendered to God. In Psalm 103 it says He satisfies us with good things. If He calls us to hard dreams– they are good dreams. If He calls us to exhilarating dreams, they are good dreams too. The fight is against satan and his lies, not the dream itself. It is a fight to keep God our focus and our fulfillment no matter WHAT the dream is.
When we daily surrender our expectations, desires, and trust that whatever God brings in our life will be for our good; we can confidently dream big dreams. When we fully believe that everything God gives (or doesn’t give) us is for our good, then if our expectations are not met we can trust that God will help us through any hurt. God’s plan is rest.
When we bask in the truth that our God is SO big and has a plan for each of us uniquely; we can dream hard and exhilarating dreams. We run confidently knowing that each of us perform a part in building God’s kingdom. When our mindset shifts from what God can do through us– to God powerfully moving through the whole world as we each soar in the role He gives us–we can confidently follow His lead knowing He is working. We don’t have to feel guilty since God is in every detail and He has it all worked out. He covers all the bases. There is no need for apprehension over failing to do something huge in the world’s eyes, or the guilt over dreaming big when someone else is hurting. God places us each exactly where He wants us. Whether we are focusing on Him from a prison cell or a Grande Hotel; it isn’t about the place, the purpose, or the desire. It is about trusting that God knows exactly what is good, then focusing on Him in total surrender. This is where we can dream while also resting from the guilt or worry that surrounds our dreams.
Rest while we dream is about giving Him all our hopes freely. We can “get our hopes up” to God because He is the God of hope (Romans 15:13). We can “let our guard down” because He is down in the pit healing broken hearts (Psalm 147:3, Psalm 40:20). We can run freely in our dreams and desires because He has a plan for each of us. When we abide in Him He will give us the desires in our heart (Ephesians 2:10, John 15:7) .
He has uniquely wired each one of us to accomplish a purpose He has already laid out. No matter what we do, it will be hard, but with God at our side we can find rest in it.
Keep dreaming my sweet sister. God created you to dream. He created you with dreams different than your friends and family. That is ok. He placed you somewhere different than everyone else on this planet. That is ok. People may never see any fruits from your dreams, that is ok too. God sees; He planned it. God will not withhold anything good from you (Psalm 84:11); we can rest and dream knowing if it doesn’t come to pass, it wasn’t good.
Make it a habit of getting your hopes up and letting your guard down with Him. The walls we build around our heart will not keep us from hurt, they will only keep us imprisoned. God wants to set you free from that prison. Tell Him your deepest desires and deepest hurts. He knows exactly what to do with them. God wants you to dream, but He wants to be the core of your dream. If He isn’t the core of our dreams we will never find rest by accomplishing any dream, or we will stay stuck wrestling through dreams. He desires that we know no dream will fill us– only He can. He is the rest we seek when we dream. When the core of our dream is Jesus we can openly dream. Keep your eyes focused on Him and your heart engulfed with Him alone. If your heart is set that knowing Jesus is better than anything else, you will have the right focus. You will be able to say what Paul said in Philippians 3:7-8:
“But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ”
When our dream is to know Jesus, the dream doesn’t itself doesn’t matter. Jesus will answer our prayer and we will grow and grow in our knowledge of Him no matter where we are and what we are doing. My dream now is to know Christ deeper each day. My dream for you is to know Christ deeper each day. Wherever that takes us, and and however that core dreams manifests, it will be good–it will be rest.
“Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go,
Anywhere He leads me in this world below.
Anywhere without Him, dearest joys would fade;
Anywhere with Jesus I am not afraid.
Anywhere with Jesus I am not alone,
Other friends may fail me, He is still my own.
Though His hand may lead me over dreary way,
Anywhere with Jesus is a house of praise.
Anywhere with Jesus I can go to sleep,
When the darkling shadows round about me creep
Knowing I shall waken never more to roam,
Anywhere with Jesus will be home, sweet home.
Anywhere! anywhere! Fear I cannot know.
Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go.”
Hymn: Anywhere with Jesus
