Yesterday was the “day of love”. How did your day go? Did you feel loved by the people around you the way you deeply desire? Did you feel empty and sad–unlovable–wishing for a steadfast love to warm your heart?
As I scrolled through social media in tiny chunks through the day, I couldn’t help but think one thing: how many people are feeling unloved today?
Beyond the smiles and confetti hearts thrown in the direction of gratitude for love, I can’t help but think about how many people silently scroll through these posts wishing they felt that too. Maybe tears formed in your eyes as you read the joy of someone experiencing a love you deeply desire.
While it is great to post about the love we are grateful for, I think deep down there is an empty ache of love in all of our hearts. When the confetti and smiles settle, I believe we are all left longing for love in some form of relationship. We broadcast the love we are thankful for, but deep down we have all been hurt by someone and crave redemption from that. It pushes us each to cling tight to human love–either the love we are thankful for or a pursuit to fill the longing we desire. It’s isn’t bad to desire secure steadfast love, infact we were created for loving relationships. However, when we begin to believe human love and acceptance will ultimately fill that longing, we shift our eyes off the only One who can completely provide for that longing.
An unhealthy pattern of my life has been trying to be good enough for love. Yesterday, I could have posted about love I am thankful for, but I would also have been leaving out a big chunk of my story. There have been relationships in my past that left me feeling unlovable– like a failure. Because of this ache, for too much of my life I found myself on a pursuit to try to mend this hurt instead of focusing on the steadfast love of God. Yes, I knew I had love in my life, but in an attempt to fill a void left by someone else, I tried to fix it by proving I was lovable instead of accepting that I already was.
I think you and I, we are all on a similar pursuit. We have this deep longing to be known and loved for who we are. The problem comes when we try to find that secure deep love in the people around us. We live in a broken world filled with broken people who are not going to love perfectly. Some of us may feel very loved by our husbands while others of us may be struggling deeply in a marriage. Some of us who have great marriages may be insecure in other areas of love because of rejections from friends or family members. It doesn’t matter who we are, we all have had our hearts broken in some aspect by someone. Even if we don’t really know the person, a personal or spiritual rejection by them can cause to to go reeling in a pursuit to decide if we actually are lovable or not.
If we let it, the harsh words of people spoken to us in different relationships have the power to sing louder in our ears than God’s steadfast song of love. As a result, when we scroll through social media on the “day of love”, these questioning voices can get loud as we see other’s gratitude for one aspect of their secure love. These voices can begin to chant in our ears: “You aren’t really loved because…”
- your marriage is struggling
- you are single, no one wants to marry you
- your child is rebelling against you, your not a good mom
- you have no strong friendships, your not very likable
- you mess up too much, God is tired of your failings
- your parents speak harsh words to you, how could God delight in you if your parents don’t?
- people mock your work and choices, obviously you are a failure
The enemy zero’s in on our broken places of love and these voices start getting louder and louder. These hurtful realities can breed insecurity in God’s love for us. Whether we want to admit it–or even know it is happening–we can begin to pursue a secure steadfast love by trying to measure up or searching diligently in the area we feel we are lacking love. In the process however, we forget one foundational and complete truth: God is singing songs of love and deliverance over you–in every area of your life, not just the ones that feel good. He is singing directly to those broken, aching places too.
God is love. He can’t not love. He is in the business of loving people who don’t deserve it. He is in the business of loving His children in exactly the way they need love. Do you hear that song of love over you? Or do you seek to find this steadfast love in the areas you deeply crave from the broken humans around you? Do you believe that your Father in Heaven sings over you and quiets you with His perfect love?
Yes, we want to enter into loving relationships with our people here on earth. But before we can do this we need to accept the fact that God is our first source of love. The foundation of a true, steadfast, perfect love. He is constantly singing songs of deliverance, love, forgiveness, redemption, guidance, and discipline over us.
He intimately created you and He knows exactly how you need to be loved. No one (not even you) knows exactly how you need to be loved, but God does. Therefore, no human will ever completely satisfy your deep longing for steadfast secure love the way God does.
If you are struggling to feel loved today, I want to encourage you– pray that God will open your eyes to His perfect steadfast love for you. Ask Him to help you see how He sings over even the broken places of your heart with delight to soothe and heal them. He truly delights in you and wants to also be root and foundation for the delight of your soul. In Him alone will we ever find the love we all so deeply crave.
When the voices of people, shame, or false guilt start humming their tune, here are some verses of how God sings over you. I pray we can each tune our ears to hear this amazing truth today:
“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.” Hosea 2:14 ESV
“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with a loud singing.” Zephaniah 3:17 ESV
“You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah.” Psalms 32:7 NKJV
But now, thus says the LORD who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.” Isaiah 43:1 NKJV
