There is a bouquet of near dead flowers sitting on my counter. My husband bought them for me because they are a ray of beauty in the dark days of winter. I don’t want to throw them away because I want to savor every last bit of beauty. There is an ache in throwing away flowers.
I am blessed to stay home with my daugthers. To not only stay home with them, but to the calling of home education at this time in our lives. There is so much beauty in nurturing their tiny hearts, in seeing them learn and grow, in seeing the tender kind ways they bring so much life and love to our home. But there are many days, if not moments this motherhood task seems too hard; too big for me. I feel very inadequate for this calling and I find myself crying out to God, “I can’t do this, pick someone else!” There is ache in the beauty of motherhood.
I love bringing thoughts together in the art of writing. Sitting in a coffee shop, just me and the words in my head brings life in so many ways. But with each word I type, I wonder, does it matter? Is there a point in all these words? There is an ache that accompanies the beauty of our passions.
I am so thankful for the new beautiful life growing inside me right now, but the physical ache of third trimester pregnancy makes me long for the day I am once again no longer pregnant. There is even ache in the beauty of new life.
For most of my life I have tried to run from these aches. No, I succeeded at running from my aches; at-least I thought I did. I ran from them to an imaginary place of perfection. I would dwell on thoughts, if only I wasn’t here but there… I avoided the hurt by dwelling on another stage, another dream. I set off to fix the aches of life instead of embracing them.
But the thing is, it never worked. Dwelling on a different set of circumstances only lead to discontent in the current circumstances. As much as I wish I could fix all my aches (and yours while I am at it), I have realized there is no solution to make our aches go away this side of Heaven. Trying to fix everything only lead to frustrated tears.
I am coming to realize that there is actually beauty in the ache. Hurt leads to healing. If I never had to throw away flowers, I would never feel the need to savor them. If I never felt inadequate in my mothering, I would never have to press into the Lord to lead me, to help me let go of control and trust Him. If I never felt ache in my passions, I would never need God to step in and be my delight.
If we never feel hurt, we will never know healing. If we try to fill our aches with temporary fixes, we will never long for Heaven. You see, I am beginning to believe that the aches and hurts we feel today are a process in our healing journey to Heaven. You see, Heaven, is the only thing that will completely heal us; it is the only place that will be perfection. None of our imagined circumstances will ever void the ache we feel here. When we step into a new set of circumstances a new ache appears. That ache points us toward Heaven.
Do you feel this ache my friend? Do you want to run from the hurt? Me too. While I am learning to embrace this ache as a blessing from God, there are still days I want to run. Its on these days we lift up our head, press into Gods loving embrace and remember that this life is temporary. This ache is temporary. One day soon all our burdens will be gone. Because Jesus is living in us today, we can take hope and find joy in the journey knowing that someday we will be completely home, ache and hurt free!
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because[g] the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” -Romans 8:18-27
