For over ten years I’ve been trying to find my place in all the wrong places. I’ve stifled my God given gifts and desires under what seemed appropriate. I’ve mistakenly believed the end was the goal, not the process. I’ve worked really hard to prove I am worthy instead of simply believing I am. And you know what?
These last ten years have been marked with a hollowness inside…. a restlessness.
Sure there have been moments I got it right. I was brave enough to follow the Spirit fully into something. Yet as a whole, fear of fully being and doing what God calls me to be and do kept me in a prison. It kept me out of fully living in my place. The place He created for me and me for.
You know when you land on a verse in the Bible and you love it, but you don’t really feel it (or get it) yet? That’s what Psalm 16:5-9 were for me for awhile: “
O Lord, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You maintain my lot. The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Yes, I have a good inheritance. I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel; My heart also instructs me in the night seasons. I have set the Lord always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will rest in hope”
You see God had created places for us. Pleasant places. The places I am talking about arn’t necessarily physical places (while they very well could be). Mainly I am talking about spiritual places. The places God calls us to in using our gifts, in answering His call. I didn’t breach these places for the longest time due to fear of what others may think or pain from the past. Often, coupled with doing the pleasing things for people, I often dipped my toes into my place but didn’t dive all the way in. That can also be a dangerous place to be. You get just enough taste for it while it while it not being right, it can damper the desire and fade hope.
God did use physical places to get me to a place to finally open up to these spiritual places and dive head first in, instead of dangling my toes into the water. Now that I am finally fully in my place, I have realized something. When we fight these places in our heart, when we don’t trust God’s counsel and instruction for our kingdom work, when we set our own logic above His, and when we are always trying to find an “appropriate” place or a better place —our souls feel hollow. When we refuse to accept our place we spend our lives always searching, never finding. It’s exhausting. The risk of our fears coming true in those vulnerable and precious places is a reality. But the prison of not stepping into those places is way worse.
While it stinks I spent so many years searching and never finding…not all is lost. Maybe it was even meant to be that way. The slow growth has equipped me in amazing ways to take my place. And the slow pain and hollowness turned abundant beauty, has made me incredibly thankful for my place. Radiant, genuine, and worshipful–I pray this never lessens. If I didn’t walk through the confusion and pain I wouldn’t be able to appreciate my place as much. Maybe it wouldn’t have seemed so pleasant to arrive here at last.
Do you know your place? The trick isn’t really finding the perfect place, its about finding and inhabiting the place God is calling you to. The place that may look mundane, unspectacular, even unimagined (and it is never easy…even if you love it and it flows). It may be a place no one else understands or sees how it can be useful.But you know in the deep recesses of your heart that God is using your unique gifts in that unique place even if you never see how.
If you haven’t found your place, ask God! Then wait patiently. Patiently as in (cough cough) ten years? A minister once speaking on Psalm 27:14 explained that when it says wait on the Lord, the context is saying EXPECT him. If you are in a place that may seem appropriate but your souls feels hollow, ask God to lead you to your place then wait….expectantly. Are you in your place! Praise God and radiate the joy that comes from inhabiting your God given, and God abiding, pleasant place!
