As I cracked my devotional open on one gray, dark morning, my eyes fell onto the first two sentences.
“What would you say your greatest need is right now? If you could ask Jesus to do anything for you, what would it be?”
As I snuggled under my warm fluffy blanket and inhaled the aroma of coffee, my mind immediately went to solutions to problems. Oh how I would love more time to get done what I think needs done. How I would love for my kids to be calmer and not so needy (then I wouldn’t feel half crazy by the end of the day). Or maybe it would be for God to completely take away all my anxiety tendencies so I never have to fight them anymore.
That, and more, sounded lovely that sleepy morning.
But as I was wishing for those things, I was immediately convicted. I knew deep in my heart none of those things were my deepest need. None of those things would offer the solution to all my “problems”–and make me happy forever. As I pondered the question deeper, I knew what my deepest needs were. Deep down I knew the true request I should make:
Jesus, my deepest need is to be washed daily of myself. Just as You stooped and washed the dirt of the world off the disciples feet– I need You to wash the dirt of the world out of my heart. When the dirt is gone I can then freely receive all you have to give me. When I am clean and filled with you I can then freely pour Your love on everyone around me. I need wisdom to live like You lived and strength to follow through.
When I freely receive all Jesus has to offer I can freely give it to others. So simple, yet so hard.
You see, my tendency is to run from the hurt and problems life brings. It is far too easy for me to sit and ponder different circumstances and scenarios that would be easier and more fulfilling to live out. It is only natural to desire that our life would always be filled with happiness, confidence, security, love, and strength. It is really easy to dream about what we think would fill us. It is glamorous to wish for fun things and that we would always be happy.
It is so much harder to say, Jesus help me to face whatever life brings in a way that flows from You and radiates Your love.
Because when I pray that, I know my feelings wont always follow. I know my circumstances wont always be what I think they should be. I know life will still be hard and I will dream of flying away like a dove on the really hard days. But I also know that Jesus will faithfully answer that prayer.
I don’t know what is good for me. Maybe the things I deeply desire are good for me and Jesus will grant them. Maybe they aren’t good so He doesn’t. I can’t live my life expecting to always be happy and always have outcomes I desire. If instead of asking Jesus to solve my problems, I can instead live my life in this prayer: Jesus, wash me of me, and give me strength and wisdom to live the way You lived and respond to life in a godly way. He will answer that. I may not always feel happy living in this prayer. But I know this is my is my greatest need. This is where His strength and peace flood from.
You know what is so exciting about that prayer? He will answer it. I don’t have to wait for my circumstances or feelings to change. I don’t have to wonder if it is the right prayer, or if it is good for me. I can daily lean into this with full confidence knowing Jesus will answer it; it is my greatest need. I can live in trust and belief because I know this small prayer equips me to handle all that life brings my way.
So I pray today, not for a different set of circumstances, personality, or feelings, but for Jesus to wash me of me so I can live for Him.
