I have this problem where it is hard for me to be in the moment. I tend to dream about the future. I obsess over all the things I need to do today that I forget to actually live in today. I look at the past and beat myself up over my mistakes. I ruminate on the consequences that have stemmed from them and wonder what I should have done different (like maybe I can go back and change it or something!). I rush through today so fast that when seasons end I long for them back.
I know I should live in today but I worry that if I take time to do just that, I will never find time to do all the things I want to do. I get annoyed at today because all the things that fill it feel like they may rob me of the things I want to do tomorrow. If I stop and smell the roses today, so to speak, I might be neglecting my duties for tomorrow.
Today often feels empty and meaningless–filled with pain from yesterday mixed with excitement and possibilities for the future. I often feel I need to be productive for God. I want to be gospel centered. Yet today feels mundane; a far cry from accomplishing gospel sized things.
Getting a snack for my kids doesn’t feel productive or gospel oriented. Getting groceries, doing laundry, washing yogurt off the sliding glass door (why was it even there in the first place?!)–all of it feels unproductive and far from gospel oriented. I would love to be writing in a coffee shop, reading, or designing something. When I am not living them, I see the whole picture and that feels big and gospel oriented. Yet, when I get in the nitty gritty of actually doing those things, they feel far from flashy. Writing takes tons of research and editing. Even the things I love to do feel long and unproductive. Maybe the list looks different for you. Driving to and from work, solving the same problems over and over… you fill in the blank. Maybe you dream of doing something else, but even when you do it it still feels a bit mundane and unproductive.
What does it look like to live in today and do gospel oriented things?
I can’t help but think of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. He says this: “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” Luke 22:42 ESV
Isn’t this the heartbeat of the gospel? Jesus laid down His desires for the greater good. He faced what He knew He must to accomplish God’s will. Maybe that’s the model I need to be focused on. When today seems mundane and I long for something else I voice my desires to God. Then I lay them down (if need be) for the greater good. To listen and trust that voice inside that often defies my logic.
Maybe gospel centered living isn’t so much about what we do, but more about who we follow. For example, motherhood is exactly where I know I am supposed to be right now. I know this is my main calling right now. When my feelings run crazy and I wonder if I am doing anything worthwhile as I put another bandaid over an owie, I can trust. I lay down my logic and trust God’s.
I can’t help but wonder if life is lived in stages more than we want to admit. When we surrender our desired stage for the stage we are actually in, we can more successfully live in today. Right now, my stage is motherhood. In 20 years my stage may be writing alone in coffee shops. If I don’t get this living in today thing figured out, I bet I will be sitting in that coffee shop wishing for tiny toddlers giving me sticky kisses. I bet I will try to live in the past wishing I would have lived in the moment better when I had it. I may even smear yogurt on the window for that nostalgic feeling.
How often do we neglect to live in today because we are trying to live where we can’t–in the past or the future.
Today is the grounding force between the past and the future. I can’t go back in the past, but today I can live in a way that redeems or honors it. I can’t live in the future but I can use today as a building block for tomorrow.
Living in today is the ability to honor or redeem the past while building for the future. It is laying down my regrets and dreams in surrender to the Fathers will. Living in today may not feel very productive or meaningful, but I am learning it may be the key to gospel oriented living.
What stage are you in right now? What big picture are you building for today– in this moment? When you name that, you are most likely going to be more able to surrender desires that hinder that big picture.
When my kids come to me for a hug when I would rather write a blog post, I can lay down my desire to write and give them a hug. Because today, I am building a house of “motherhood”. In 20 years (or whatever the Lord allows) I may be building a house of “writing.”
I think the Lord makes us multi-dementional so we need to depend on him more. We don’t do a million things well, but God does. We may have desires to do many different things, but are more likely called to one at a time. I don’t think it is wrong to interweave dreams into our daily building, but gospel centered living acknowledges that we need to prioritize the thing God has called us to first and lay down any “second” nature items when needed.
To practically live in today I think pondering these questions, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, is highly beneficial:
- What do I want to redeem or honor from the past?
- What can I do today to build for the future?
- What big picture am I building right now?
Now lets all go live those things today. Let’s lay down all whims and desires that come at us for the greater goal of where we are today. I believe this is following the steps of Jesus; a reflection of the gospel. Jesus lived each day redeeming the past and building for the future. We can each do that too–no matter how amazing or small that may look.
