I was in a funk week. You know the ones where you are physically present but mentally somewhere way far away? You try all week to get out of the funk. Then comes the kicker day. The one where you find a dead half eaten rabbit right outside your door. The kids fight non-stop. The ones where your toddler finds the buns for the upcoming birthday party and bites through all of them. The one where your oldest tracks in mud. Mind you, she wiped it off first…all over the rug. I mean lots of mud. So much mud the rug was caked as well as footprints spanning the laundry room. How does this happen you wonder.
That kind of day hits you hard. It makes you want to text your husband, “today all I am doing is keeping the kids alive. I don’t know how to add anything extra onto that. Will that ruin them? If you think so, come home and parent them.”
But instead of acting in that childish manner you decide to slap your cheeks a few times to try and awaken yourself out of the funk to be an adult. I told myself all the things: get over yourself, there’s nothing to be sad about, be happy, be a better Christ-like example. None of it really helped much.
I pulled up Christianbook.com on my phone to order a much needed book…one that may have been directed at my current mood :). Sometimes I think books seem to understand me better than people…am I showing too much of my nerdy/hermit side?? Anyway…back to the story. A thought hit me. Instead of order it online, make a trip to Barnes and Nobles with the girls. Even better, make it an annual tradition!
Instantly my mind went to all the logical things. Why waste gas money when you can order the book online. You don’t really need the book today. You don’t need to spend money on books for the girls when you have a library card. You simply need to get your act together.
I don’t know about you but telling myself to get my act together rarely helps. Nevertheless, I was beginning to settle into playing it safe and logical (like I always do) and forget my new idea. After-all a trip to the bookstore isn’t going to magically make my mood improve. That’s when the next thought hit me. Is it really playing it safe when the stench of annoyance is reeking out of me right now? Is it really safe and logical to stay in that stink?
I decided right then and there we were taking a silly trip to the book store. I told they girls, let’s go pick out a book! TO KEEP?!? They yell excitedly. YES! Then I tell them, let’s do this EVERY YEAR at the start of school. Shouts of excitement went up.
Off we head on our book adventure. God showed up when we got there. I saw God there in a personal way, in a way I can’t explain in words. In a way I wouldn’t even if I could because it was Him personally loving me. He showed up in a way that took my mind off the rot it was feeding on.
The more I am choosing to step outside of what I think is safe the more I see Him show up. “Wasting” money and time to go to the bookstore reminded me of the things I needed reminded of in an experiential way, not just a knowledge way. It also began a new tradition the girls and I are going to love.
My whole point with our silly adventure story is this: Sometimes we just have to do the thing our soul knows is best even if our minds can’t logically follow. You never know what beauty awaits you if you are brave enough to follow.
