In my zeal to be an intentional mom, often I can get confused on what is my role in motherhood and what is God’s. I really have alot less control in motherhood than I care to admit. The line between guiding my children’s hearts and trusting God to fully know and transform their heart is where I struggle the most. In my zeal to train them in God’s ways, I can forget I am a steward not God.
The other day I wrote in my journal, I fear it’s too easy to try and take responsibility for things that arn’t ours to take on and shirk the responsibility that is truly ours. In motherhood I tend to try and take responsibility for knowing and changing their heart. When there is a squabble between my girls and both are telling me opposite stories, I know someone is lying. I stress out trying to figure out just who it is. Who is right, who is wrong, who needs consequences, who was the victim. Endless, exhausting.
Then there is the moment that I catch my kiddos in a sin and I teach them about repentance and seeking forgiveness but they go through the motions acting like its the dumbest thing they have ever done. I feel pressure to change their heart. I ask myself how am I failing them as a mom if they don’t think this is important!?
When they repeat the same sin over and over and I wonder if they will end up in jail someday….I end up worrying and thinking the worst of them. I try to change their heart, because I am scared of letting go of that control. I forget the changing of a heart is not my role or my responsibility.
It is God’s.
My responsibility is helping them understand truth, influencing them by my life, teaching them, helping them to understand their motivations, and to pray for them.
Awhile back in a sermon the minister said “my mom always thought the best of me.” Cue Darcy gulping big time. Eek, I often think the worst of my kids based on past circumstances. They lied to me before so I see all the proof of why they are lying to me now. Sometimes I am right, sometimes I am wrong. I don’t know about you, but for me trying to figure out the inner workings of someone’s heart is exhausting. It’s like a pinball games always bouncing between guilt that I didn’t believe them and charged them wrongly, and satisfaction that I am a pretty “wise” mom. Not only is it exhausting, it can be shaming to our kids. When shame rears its ugly head human nature is to hide. Perhaps that’s why kids can bounce around from being honest to lying–often in one day. Shaming doesn’t lead to healing, kindness and love does.
So often my motives are right but my actions get all conglomerated. I accidentally shame my kids when I want to help them. When I break it all down my main concern is their heart. It’s not the wrong motivation that gets me all hung up, its getting confused in the wrong role. In my desire to reach their hearts I try to take on the wrong role and in the process can spew shame.
That sermon was over a year ago, however, it hung around in the recesses of my mind. Recently it bounded out in the open again with a thought that hit me: I am not responsible for softening their heart, that’s God’s role. I am responsible for teaching them between right and wrong and then praying for God to water those seeds. To do that, like that minister said, I must think the best of my kids and let God and them work out their heart. I want to reflect God and in the Bible it tells us that the kindness of God is what leads to repentance.
My role is not in changing my kids heart, that is solely God’s. I must stop trying to take responsibility for it.
It’s pretty freeing to let go of that responsibility. It’s too big of a burden for us parents to bear. It squeezes the joy of relationship right out of us exhausting us and sucking us dry. When I let go of the pressure to figure out if they are guilty or innocent and instead simply teach and pray I am taking my responsibility and releasing the rest to God…and my kids. For they will be called upon to take responsibility for their own guilt or innocence to their Savior, not me. I will always be here with an open ear, a willingness to teach, and a desire to seek understanding, but the role to change is between them and God.
Phew. Now if I could always remember that!
“And now, little children, abide in Him, that when He appears we may have confidence and not be ashamed before Him at His coming.” 1 John 2:28
