“ For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him.” 2 Chronicles 16:9
God is searching throughout the whole world to see if there is anyone willing to do all He asks. Even when it doesn’t make sense. Through my pursuit of God’s will in my life, I have learned to lay down my own desires and grab ahold of His instead. This is where I learned how to follow the will of God in my life.
Joshua 1:9 has always been a favorite verse of mine. I have a thing called analysis paralysis. It’s where you overthink a decision and obsess about the outcome. Decisions are really hard for me. I mean what if I make the WRONG one! I might as well stick a huge FAILURE label on my forehead. Over and over again, Joshua 1:9 reminded me, to make a decision, God will be with you wherever you go. This was the theme verse for me for years.
I desperately wanted to do God’s will, but before I was ready, I believe God needed to teach me a few things. I want to share how God is teaching me to lay down myself to see Him clearly. I believe we can learn alot from the stories of others we are journeying together with. If you have a story to share on how God showed you to discern Him in your life, please share in the comments below!
I went to college for Physical Therapy and worked as a PTA for 2 years at a hospital and nursing home. I never felt like it was my calling, and honestly there were so many things that stressed me out about it. I knew that when I had kids, I wouldn’t want to work as a PTA anymore. After praying about it, I decided to go down to part time. From there I eventually went to prn (as needed), then finally I quite completely. I dreamed of having my own business and my growing love for sewing seemed like the perfect solution. I could make money from home doing something I loved. I found a sweet spot in sewing wallets. From there I began sewing clothes for myself and my daughter. I found I absolutely loved sewing clothes. I spent countless hours teaching myself the art of making clothes. I was restless in my sewing career and didn’t ever really feel like I had hit the nail on the head. Eventually my husband and I decided I should pursue sewing bridal attire for people. This was the closest thing I ever did as an entrepreneur that felt like it was my thing. However, there was still a restlessness in my soul. I kept forging on because I knew God was with me in it. But I was tired. I said things like “I know this is what I am supposed to do because I love it so much I could do it for free”. I also saw things from my childhood that “pointed me” toward this thing, my calling. Everything I was saying I so desperately wanted to be true because I wanted to be in God’s will. But I knew deep down, it wasn’t true.
Over the course of my sewing career I did feel God’s presence to keep going, but I didn’t feel like it was really where I was supposed to be in the long run. Around July of 2017 I felt prompted to make a prayer journal. I didn’t know why, but I knew after many nudges I needed to do it. It came together really smoothly and I really enjoyed designing it. I even found a local print shop to print it. Of course satan didn’t want it done so he tried to derail me during the printing process. I really wanted a spiral bound journal with tabs. That was out of my budget, so I felt peaceful about moving forward with a book form prayer journal.
I started Instagram and Esty accounts to sell the journal through and slightly dip my feet in to see what God was wanting from me. My personality is to dive in head first if it is anything business related. But I stayed back, examined my motives and really sought God the entire time. I was still struggling with what God wanted for me in my sewing career. As I dug into motives behind it, I realized two things.
- I was putting my dreams of running a business before my role as a mother and wife. I was holding on too tightly tightly to the perceived identity of success.
- I was trying to fill and insecurity only God could fill. I was secretly worried that if I was “only” a mom, I wouldn’t be earning my keep. I realized that culture’s mindset was infiltrating my thinking.
After really analyzing my sewing career, this concept really kept coming to my heart: “your worth does not come from having a business, or being a mom, it comes from Jesus Christ. Everything you do should be for His glory. If you are doing it for Him, you are enough. You don’t have to prove yourself, or “earn your keep”. You can freely pour yourself out in whatever role you are in”. For the first time in my life I really desired to be “only a mom”. With the freedom I should have grasped along time ago, I was ready to let go of all the feeble attempts to prove I was worthy and instead rest in Jesus in this area of my life.
I discussed taking a break from sewing dresses with my husband and we decided I should. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted the freedom to not have pressures of deadlines looming over my head. We didn’t know how long it would last, but we knew for at-least a month I needed to say no to dresses. That was after I completed my last dress in April 2018.
I really enjoyed my break. The first dress request that came my way was hard to say no to, but after that they got easier and I grew in my faith that this was right. Meanwhile I was writing the book I Need Jesus and posting to the Hello Jesus instagram page. I didn’t really know where it was all leading, but I was committed to following God’s leading, not my own. I was confident in who I was in Him, I didn’t need to prove myself. However, I kept feeling nudges that there was something more coming for Hello Jesus. I kept faithfully posting on instagram and writing the book, not really knowing if it would lead to anything. Plus, I really was soaking in being a free mom, loving it in-fact!
I had met someone through an article I wrote awhile back and we had become friends. Living in two different states made emailing our go to method of conversing for the longest time. As our friendship grew, we began texting often. Then in May, on the way down to Florida, our paths crossed and we got to meet for lunch. Her friendship has been such an incredible blessing. As two writers and dreamers, we could really share our hearts and understand each other.
After we said our goodbye’s we continued on to our vacation destination. That trip was really instrumental for God showing me where He wanted me. I had been praying about continuing Hello Jesus, moving forward with the I Need Jesus book, or letting go completely. I knew after pursing my own path, I didn’t want to do that again. I wanted to follow God’s path. There were many things that spoke to me on that trip. A sermon, a discussion with my cousin, a book I dusted off to finish reading, and then someone randomly praying for us on the beach of Siesta Key. They didn’t just say a quick prayer, they said and indepth prayer directed toward dreams and things God is calling us to do. They had no clue I was battling with these things, but their prayer spoke directly to my heart.
As we returned home from the trip, I knew God wanted me to do something with Hello Jesus, I just didn’t know what. As my conversations with my friend Trudie continued we began discussing her site Girls in God’s Word. She felt like she maybe needed to step away from it. She wasn’t sure what exactly she was supposed to do yet. I mentioned to her, I would maybe consider taking it over if she wanted me to. From there things got more real. I began to doubt. Why did I just recently find so much freedom in being a mom and now I am taking on another thing?! But I kept getting nudges from God, that this was what He wanted me to do.
Here I am today. I again have deadlines and am again “working” at something that isn’t solely motherhood. Has it been easy? Not hardly. But I know without a shadow of doubt God called me to it. I tried to forge my own way with my sewing career. I was constantly worrying about failure. I was drained and tired. I was angry a-lot and impatient with my girls. Now, I trust God and know He is in control. I don’t have to worry about the outcome because I know my success rests in His hands. I don’t have to prove myself worthy to anyone, I simply need to humbly follow His leading and guiding and trust Him for the increase. If He says stop, I will stop. I have learned when I fight for my own logic, I get weary. I still get tired and discouraged in my path now. I don’t think that will ever change, but I know if God called me to it, I can trust He will lead me through it. There is a grounding strength I never had before. Yes, God faithfully showed up in my sewing career, I know that without a doubt.He was with me, just like Joshua 1:9 says, but I know it was so much harder than being obedient to His hand crafted plan.
As I journey in Hello Jesus, He has shown up over and over again in very strong ways. Maybe because that is what happens when you do things for Him you didn’t set out to do. Or maybe it is what happens when you surrender everything to Him. Or possibly it is because He knows I need the reassurance to continue on so I wont start running in my own direction. Whatever it is, He has shown Himself strong to me like 2 Chronicles 16:9 says.
God is carving a story on each one of our hearts. Each of our journeys are different, but we each have a story to tell for His glory. What I have learned from following my own logic vs following God’s is this:
- God’s way is always better
- I may not always understand God’s way, but I can always trust it
- God will be with me and help me, even when I try to pursue my own logic. He will teach me lessons from it and lovingly point me to His truth over time.
- In God’s eyes we are valuable, we don’t have to prove our worth. Our worth comes from glorifying Him in all we do. Success is measured by Him, not man.
- I don’t have to have everything figured out, I can wait on God in patience.
- Just because we follow God’s directing, doesn’t mean it will be easy. He will give us an unimaginable strength though.
- If we are willing to surrender to Him and do anything He asks, He will show Himself strongly to us. (That doesn’t mean huge signs or loud choruses to get our attention, it could simply be sensing God’s presence strongly as you walk your journey.)
- God loves us so much and wants to teach us, He will teach us, it may not be in our timing, but He will if we a desire to be taught.
I pray as you journey on your unique journey, you will be able to perceive God’s will in your life. I pray you can share you story with others to encourage others! Let’s all run toward Jesus together!
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