I have this long track record of trying to find purpose and belonging. In the past there has been things that have caused me to question my purpose because I didn’t belong. I have resorted to unhealthy coping mechanisms to try and belong.
Part of that has been to ignore the purpose God created me for. Part of that has been in trying to be a person He did not create me to be. Part of it has also been to add to what He is asking me to do. As I journey through this process to accept who He made me and what He made me to do, it is so easy to run back to unhealthy coping mechanisms instead of leaning on faith. As I step out into these things, it doesn’t feel sure. I don’t know about you, but I like to feel secure. When I step out into something that feels uncertain and new and waves come to rock the boat, I find myself retreating to what feels safe–unhealthy coping mechanisms.
When I search for security I look for someone that is exactly like me. It works partially great, but it also severely backfires. I find someone who is very similar to me in a certain area, but they are not in another. I keep floundering around trying to find a perfect match. Instead what I find is: I see myself in a million people and yet I see myself in no one.
As humans we all have sameness, yet we are all very different. I believe it is God’s way of giving us the camaraderie of community while at the same time creating a need only He can fill. When we pause and dwell on this, it’s a really beautiful thing. But as humans so often the beauty gets overshadowed by the broken.
Enter, unhealthy coping mechanisms. What do we see when these take over? The negative. I dwell on the things I see in people that I am not. I am temporarily comforted by the fact that we are similar in some areas, but it is instantly overrun by the way we are different. My fear that I am not enough is triggered by our differences. Instead of seeing my difference as the way God made me, I see it as a threat. A threat that may cause rejection. I see all their differences as good and all mine as bad. I see my purpose as lacking and their’s as good. When I use these coping mechanisms I walk around exhausted and empty.
It is so good to find commonalities. But when they are what I seek for my comfort or holy spirit….they are not good.
I am learning the hard way that faithfulness is the most important quality in finding security and belonging. Faithfully doing the thing that God has asked me to do. Faithfully trusting that God will use the person He made me to be. That my weaknesses are not something to hate myself over, but something to hand over to God in an act of faith, believing He will be strong in them. I am learning, instead of searching for someone who is exactly the same as me, I can instead turn my eyes to God and thank Him for who He made me.
When I run to unhealthy coping mechanisms–comparing myself with others– I wilt, I find a prison, I do not glorify God in the way I was created to. But when I pause and change course rooting myself in truth, I find freedom, purpose, and value.
What is that truth? God created each of us exactly the way He saw fit–fearfully and wonderfully made. He created us with a purpose. He calls us to Him. When we surrender to Him as Lord of our lives, when we acknowledge we are sinners and He is our Savior, He pours His blood over us, cleansing us, making us fully accepted and loved. Grace floods our life, transforming us into flawless as we stand before Him. Not because we did anything or proved anything, but because He gave us this gift. He then gives us the Holy Spirit to teach us and guide us as we abide in Him and love Him above all else. From this place we live the purpose He calls us to. Not to prove anything, not to earn anything, but out of love and gratitude for the One who gives us amazing gifts.
Community is one of those gifts to us. Our work is one of those gifts. Our family. God is an amazing gift giver. Satan wants me to think God is giving me burdens, not gifts. He wants to burden me with the need to earn, to please, to be good enough. Satan whispers in my ear–just like he did in Eve’s–did God really say you are enough in Him? Did He really say that is a gift? Maybe you should work for it. Maybe you should be better. Did God really say you are a valuable member of your community, you don’t do as good as that person over there….
Satan is a sneaky sucker. God’s grace and plan for our life is an unthinkable, incredible, amazing gift. It seems too amazing, too easy, but His Word is truth. We must fight satan’s lies with God’s truth–not unhealthy coping mechanisms.
God says we are valuable because we are His. When we run around trying to find value in a million other things, or by comparing ourselves to a million other people we miss it. It is sitting right where God is calling us to. He is asking us to value who we are and what He asks us to do–because He does first.
When I don’t value myself, I don’t value who I am helping. When I am constantly searching to find someone the same as me I constantly walk away with all the ways I am doing life wrong. I walk away with the feeling I am not valuable because I am different. We all are different in exactly the way God made us to be. None of us hold less value in God’s eyes. We must value who we are before we can value what He asks us to do.
It isn’t about how many people we help, it is about how much we value each person we help. I am so comforted by the fact that God gave Jesus certain people while Jesus was here on earth. He didn’t give Jesus all the people. Jesus faithfully valued and helped the people He was given. I want to do the same. I want to stop looking at others for a guide and start accepting who and what God has asked me to do. In the process, my eyes are opened to the people, to the value therin.
Believe there is value in who God made you, because He makes no mistakes.
Find value in what God asks you to do because His plan is good.
Find value in who He has given you to help because every person is valuable in His sight.
Stop searching for value in a million places. Find it where you are. Stop searching for security in a million people, find it in who and what God is calling you to. After all, He is the Creator of everything valuable, He knows what He is doing. Amazing grace says we get to accept this beautiful gift.
