There is a certain level of spotlight that comes from potty training an 18 month old. A spotlight I don’t enjoy. Nevertheless, I continue to train my girls early because that is what works for us and that is why I do it.
This time around there was a comment that formed a gateway to lies in my heart. Each time my daughter would fight me I would begin to ruminate on the lie that said you shouldn’t have potty trained this early. So as I walked into her room this morning at the bright and shiny hour of 4:00 am to change a poopy diaper, you better believe my mind was reeling with how awful I was that I trained an eighteen month old.
Now, this isn’t the only instance I wrestle with this particular problem. I have this tendency to pick up people’s opinions like I am collecting stones. I build it up around my heart with the noble intentions of using them like the Bible says…you know there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors? But what I realized at four this morning is that opinions arn’t my counselors. Instead of guarding my heart with their wisdom, they are more like a well paved path for satan’s lies.
I have been praying about this alot lately. Asking God how I can live in His calling for me and His opinion of me– not the heavy rock collection I have been clinging to.
My solution? Move to a remote mountain home away from everybody. Because that would for sure be the healthy solution. Thankfully God loves me too much to let me do that. This morning I saw the beginnings of an answer to that prayer. As I stood there wrestling with the feeling that I am a failure as a parent an intense thought landed in my heart.
I refuse.
It was honestly a bit startling. It felt like such a bold statement and I am not a bold person. I may have even looked around in the dark to make sure it was me standing there and not someone else thinking these kind of thoughts. After I was sure I actually thought it, another thought followed.
I am just trying to do my best to care for my kids.
I tucked my daughter back in and made the treck back to my own room. I lay awake pondering what just happened. I realized I have to start being bold with my thought life. I have to stop letting other people’s opinions and way of life be my holy spirit. It just isn’t an accurate picture of my life. Sure my daughter fights me sometimes and randomly poops in the middle of the night. However, for the very few times like that, she does amazing 95% of the other time.
I so often hang my hat on 5% proof I have failed instead of the 95% proof that what we are doing as a family is working….for us.
Godly counsel is not found in the random opinions of others. It is found in seeking advice from people that truly know my heart. It is found in being vulnerable with those I trust. It is found in asking for advice from people I respect, yet also know they may not give me the advice I want. It is not found in comparing my life to someone else’s or in picking up opinions as I roam through life.
The solution to this problem is not in purchasing reality in the mountains (as amazing as that sounds at times ;)). It is not in being rude to others. It is not in crossing my arms and playing victim when someone said something that satan used for his benefit in my heart. Often the person isn’t even trying to be hurtful, satan just knows what to use against us.
The solution is to simply start refusing to let satan’s lies reign in my heart.
We have to be bold about standing up against these lies. For me, they are so ingrained because of habits learned over many years, it wont go away in a day. Maybe in a year. Maybe I will always need to boldly take a stand and say I refuse. Maybe it is over and over and over in one day. To the point I wonder why I am not fixed yet. Nevertheless, the more we refuse satan’s lies the more we will see God’s truth. God’s truth will set us free. It isn’t easy, this solution. It isn’t quick and efficient–this war against satan never is–but freedom is always worth it.
