I’ve heard You can take what’s broken
And make it whole again
Well, here’s the pieces of my heart
What can You do with them?
‘Cause I can’t hold them all together anymore
So I let them fall surrendered to the floor
Only You can bring such beauty
From the depths of all my pain
Only You can take this shattered heart
And make it beat again
Oh, You hold us all together in Your hands
I surrender all I have and all I am
You make all things new
You make all things new
God of mercy and love
Do what only You can do
And make all things new
-Casting Crowns, All Things New
The theme of God making all things new has really been on my heart lately. The above song has been on repeat. As Christians we want to be new. We deeply desire to be the best we can. It’s our very heartbeat to serve Christ fully and unhindered.
We have such good intentions.
I was just reading a book the other day that explained the Pharisees in a way I had never thought about before. The Pharisees had good intentions in making all of the rules and laws they did. They had watched what happens when people pull away from God. They saw the destruction, and ruins of the cities of the children of God. They saw their people exiled because their hearts didn’t stay close to Him. The Pharisees wanted desperately to fix this. To keep God’s children’s hearts close to Him. It easy for me to see them as evil. As holier than thou. But honestly, their intentions were good. Yet, just because an intention is good doesn’t mean it is a healthy healing mechanism. People didn’t draw closer to God in their hearts because of the rules, people draw closer To God in their hearts because of relationship. When the rules became greater than relationship, it ceased being good.
In everything in life, relationship should reign.
I’ve seen lately in my life how my good intentions haven’t fulfilled the outcome that I desire. Im beginning to see, it can actually do exactly the opposite of my good intentions. My good intentions are simply me trying to hold all the pieces together, or hide them. My good intentions get in the way of God making all things new.
We all have broken hearts in someway. We wouldn’t be able to escape this broken world without a breaking of the heart. I’m learning that I tend to try to fix that brokenness by unhealthy coping mechanisms covered in good intentions. It’s like sweeping the broken pieces of my heart under a rug; hiding them so no one can see. I mistakenly think I can hide the pieces until I can glue them back together. It feels too vulnerable, too scary to expose the brokenness so I hide, and “mend”. My attempts to sweep my brokenness under the rug with good intentions to piece it all back together is not the Holy Spirit transforming me into something new. It’s me trying to figure out how to be better.
As much as I try to hide and mend, it always comes out. The brokenness is exposed. But it is exposed in an unhealthy way, not healthy. My hiding method is in overachieving. I try the very best I can to do everything, to be the hero, to never need anything or burden anyone. I think maybe if I work hard enough someone will care deeply enough. Someone will notice. If I ignore my needs someone will care. What actually happens? I put on a front that says I am superwoman. My family never knows what my needs are because I am never brave enough to say. I hide my weaknesses because I tell myself I should be better. I shouldn’t bother anyone with my needs. That’s selfish. However, this is exposed when my family has a need. I am not compassionate toward them like I really need to be because I am inwardly wallowing in my own self pity that no one ever cares when I have needs. I get angry and feel justified. But the reality is I simply should have communicated my need kindly in the first place instead of hiding it.
Ironic right?
My husband carries his brokenness in a different way. He is also an overachiever but he doesn’t have a problem expressing his needs. When he is overwhelmed, instead of turning to anger or lack of compassion, he drowns himself in his phone as a way of taking his mind off his fears and brokenness. He is with us in body but not mind.
It’s funny. We both struggle with the same thing–overachieving, but it manifests itself in different ways. When I am hurting, I try even harder to meet everyones needs. I tell myself if only I pour myself out more I will be poured into. If I try harder I will fix myself. My husband knows trying harder wont fix it so, he gives himself a break, which is good, until it turns into a constant break.
Neither of these coping mechanisms are healthy–they’re born of good intention but they’re not healthy. They are both attempts to hide our weaknesses, but what we both need to understand is: no amount of doing more will ever be enough, and no amount of avoiding will ever be enough. We need to let God make it new. We need to stop hiding and instead expose our weakness to those who love us and God.
I think the reason we sweep our brokenness under the rug is because we’re afraid of exposing our weaknesses. We think in exposing it we will be broken more than we already are. No, we say, we can’t have that, we must fix our broken. But really it is just a lack of faith on our part. We know we’re never going to be perfect. Because of this, by default we’re going to have weaknesses. When we surround ourselves with people that love us, the truth is, they’re going to be OK with those weaknesses. They want to help us through it. God provides the things and people that we need to walk with us through the weaknesses we have. If I’m unwilling to expose my weaknesses in the name of “I am strong” I am not going to be made new.
Fear keeps me sweeping things under the rug. Fear of rejection, of being a burden to others. But again our attempts to hide and fix ourselves usually end with the opposite of our original intention. We can only hide for so long. I think of Adam and Eve who tried to hide from God. They were eventually exposed, but what did God do? He lovingly covered them–in a new way.
It’s not a matter of if but of when we’re going to be exposed. We can exhaust ourselves trying to not be exposed or we can take initiative and hold the broken pieces of our heart up to Christ asking “what can you do with this? I believe you’ll make it all new in Your way”.
It takes an act of faith to expose the broken pieces before there’s too many to try to glue back together. It’s exhausting to try to hold all of those broken pieces together. That’s why we can’t do it. That’s why we can’t merely be a better version of ourselves. It’s why we have to be completely made new.
I used to believe that when I dedicated my life to Christ I would be completely made new. While part of that is true, I think there’s also also this broken and healing pattern in our life. Once we heal from something there’s something else that God exposes for us to work on. My brother once said, I’m glad God doesn’t ask me to fix everything all at once because it would be too much.
God gently, kindly leads us through what needs healed the most. What I’m realizing is, I have to stop hiding from it. I have to expose it and let Him make it new. I have to believe that He will provide everything I need as I expose those vulnerable broken pieces. I need faith to stop trying to hide or hold it all together.
God doesn’t ask us to fix things on our own, in the dark. He doesn’t ask us to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and never expose weaknesses. He doesn’t ask us to hide and hope we can hold it all together. He asks us to come to Him, all who are weary. He will provide rest from the exhaustion it takes to hide and mend. He doesn’t ask me to worry about what I should be. He asks me to come to him, in relationship with faith He is making me into something new–step by step, moment by moment. Each broken thing I surrender to Him is made new. Then another is exposed. This continual process is not a failure on our part to be good Christians. No, this is the very sanctification process we are called to as believers. This process is leading us to the culmination of Heaven where we will be completely whole and new. Until then, it is a process of breaking, exposing, and healing.
So I ask you to think about what you are weary in? I am beginning to see, where I am weary usually points to where I am using unhealthy mechanisms (with good intentions) to mend instead of surrendering the pieces to God’s process.
