Growing up, I had friends that dreamed of becoming moms some day. I never dreamed of being a mom, I dreamed of becoming a wife. All through highschool I couldn’t wait to get married. I dreamed of weddings and dresses and flowers. It was in highschool when I heard that the Mayan calendar was ending in May of 2012. People predicted that this could be the end of the world. My little highschool brain decided I needed to get married before then. I needed my dream to come true.
I got married January of 2011. My dream came true. Of course, our wedding was not planned around the impending doom of the end of the Mayan calendar. However, I assure you deep down I felt releived that it happened before… you know just in case. Silly I know. But it was my dream and it came true. May 2012 has long since passed. The end of the world didn’t happen and time keeps ticking on.
Here I sit, 2020 in the middle of a global pandemic. COVID-19 has upended our world. It was something no one could have predicted years out ahead like the Mayan calendar. There was no preparing our hearts for this pandemic. Now that it is here people are saying this could be the end of the world. While I am not saying I agree and believe it is, that old fear of not getting to live some of my dreams rears it ugly head.
Dreams of writing a book, seeing my kids get married, growing old with my husband all dance around in my head. I grieve over the possibility that they may not happen. There is always some sort of dream we yearn for right? Global pandemic, end of the world, or simply getting in a car crash– none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. However when life is trotting away nicely we don’t contemplate the whole end of life possibility as much. When uncertainty hits and end of the world posts are flying around on social media, we begin to fear. Fear all the things we may not do. Fear death, the end. So how do we reconcile this fear and get to a peace about the possiblity of time being shorter than we desire?
How do we enjoy the moment and pursue our dreams in a healthy way? How do we come to peace with the fact that we may not get to expiereince our dreams, because really, none of us know the future. How do I live in anticipation for the time when my girls will get married, my book is written, I enjoy retirement days with Loren all while balancing the reality that none of those may play out.
Philippians 1:21-23 has been bouncing around my head a lot lately: ” For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.” ESV
For most of my life, I knew I should believe to be with Christ is far better than life here, however I was pretty caught up in the things that made me happy on earth. The thought of the end or death definitely didn’t feel better. My dad always used to tell me, “imagine the most amazing fun thing you can think of. That happiness and pleasure, it is only a drop in a bucket of what Heaven will be like.” I believed that was true, but I didn’t feel or live it. I clung to the fun things here on earth. The things I looked forward to and wanted to experience. My dreams I wanted to accomplish. I worried that if I didn’t get to do those things I would miss out. That somehow I needed them to happen before I could enjoy Heaven.
God has done a number on my heart. Today, not only can I say that is true, but I live like it too. There is this balance between dreams and Heaven. You see, I was building my dreams and adding Jesus onto them. I had it backwards. Yes, we plan for our dreams. We look forward to them and we enjoy them when they are accomplished. However, Jesus, Heaven, that is our ultimate dream. That should be our foundation, not an add on.
My dreams while I am living here on this earth are now Christ-minded. I run all my dreams through the question: will this point to Christ? Is He the center of them? Do I enjoy Him first and know that the fulfillment of all the things I want to do here on earth is a gift from Him? If so, to live is Christ!
And if it truly is the end of the world? If I get in a crash tomorrow and go to Heaven before I planned.. do I believe that is gain? When we have Christ as our foundation and build all our deepest desires off of Him, He will grow more and more each day into our ultimate dream and desire. If Heaven comes knocking, I will have accomplished my deepest desire–to be with Christ. To die is gain.
In the craziness and unknowns all around us, if we live with Christ as our foundation, our core, deepest longing, and greatest delight we will win no matter what happens. I used to be afraid of dying. Not because of where I was going, but because I didn’t want to leave this earth with things left undone. But not now. Now I know, each day I live loving Jesus and sharing Him in the ways God gives me to, I know my labor is fruitful. And if I die, I have gained Christ.
While the possibility of the end of the world or death can make us think long and hard on all the things we still want to do, we can change the foundation of these dreams. We can make Jesus our dream. This is where true pleasure is found. I simply want to share Him with others and then be with Him one day in Heaven. If all our dreams are built on that, to live is Christ, to die is gain. The way life unfolds can’t phase us. Everything here is temporary. To be enjoyed, but only Christ is eternal. I pray we can all reset our hearts each day and face the day building off of Christ. In this our labor will be fruitful and our joy complete. In this–even if we don’t accomplish all we want to–our deepest desire is to be with Jesus and we will achieve that.
Build your life on the foundation of Christ. Then, if time keeps ticking on long after this pandemic, to live is Christ! If not, to die truly is gain.
